Liesl Kate

Lord

I take care of him each day, I make sure I treat him right, then suddenly he got angry, one cold and lonely night. His shirt smelled of perfume, his breath reeked of beer; I gripped the locked door and began to pray as he came near. Knowing exactly what he wanted he firmly grasped my thigh, pushing me down onto the floor with evil in his eyes.
“Hey there baby, how bout we play a game? Just watch and learn there sweetie pie cuz you’ll have to do the same.”
He ripped at his belt buckle and tore off his pants and said “Hey sexy lady, may I have this dance?”
The next thing I knew I was naked on the floor, with an aching pain inside of me and voice shouting out for more. I opened my eyes and slowly lifted up my head, and there he was on top of me with a drink in his hand.
“Help me!”
I screamed as I tried pulling myself away. But the pain grew more intense as I heard
“Bitch, lay down and pray.”
“Lord?”
I yelled out, as he kicked me and grew fierce. He cut my face and through me to the wall as I collapsed down in tears. Slowly, yet surely, my body became numb, I could no longer feel the pain or the beating of the sun.
“God what did I do wrong? Here I am, lifeless on this freezing ground, with no one to come and help me because no one heard a sound.”
This is my story but what I really wanted to say, was this happens to hundreds of girls each and every day. So please if you know someone that thinks that no one cares, go and reach out to them, let them know that you are there.

[not a poem, my "this I believe" essay from last year]

Let Go Of Your Barbie Pen

I believe in second chances. When I was a little girl, I went to church every Sunday, then I went to children’s time and then I went to Sunday school. It was a good whole hour of nap time; I mean worshiping God. I remember sitting in our little chairs, drawing a picture and listening to our teacher read some random scripture from the children’s Bible. It was something different every day, so after the first couple times I didn’t even bother trying to remember them anymore. But, if nothing else, I learned one thing in church. Forgive your neighbor and forgive yourself. Now, forgiving myself I can do. I just think to myself, "Self, it’s ok, just don’t do it again." But the moment my pink Barbie pen vanished from my things I was relentless. I wanted revenge. But what is revenge? The opposite of forgiveness. "Well, they deserve it," I would think. "They took my pen without even asking ME first!" The last thing I wanted to do was forgive the stuck up kid who stole my most prized possession.

But then I thought of a scripture I once heard in, you guessed it, Sunday school. It spoke of a man whose one goal in life was to reach the top of this mountain next to his home. Then, when the time came and he was almost to the top, his enemy trampled him down and shoved him back to the beginning again. Now personally I think I would have walked right up to that guy and kicked his... well I wouldn’t forgive him.

The Bible, however, says otherwise. Christ told this man to forgive his ENEMY 70 times seven times over again. I could barely do it once for a classmate. I did though, and in the end, the girl who stole my pink Barbie pen turned out to be one of my best friends. For that reason, and so many more, I think that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what their crime may be. And no, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be punished for it. If you make a bad decision you need to take the consequences. But for me, learning how to forgive all the little things really makes a difference when it comes time to have to forgive the big ones. If you cannot forgive, deep within yourself you will always have enemies. So please, don’t make enemies; the world doesn’t need more war. I’m sure your heart could do without the constant conflicts as well.

To forgive is to accept all life’s flaws, and to do that is very difficult. But once you get it down, well, it will still be hard. But you’ll also know you have only friends in your life. Agree to disagree, forgive everyone, and finally let go of that Barbie pen.

[meant to be a song]

The Pain Inside

Listen to the screams,

Feel my memory burn into your soul.

I flee to a far off light,

But shiver back to the darkening night.

This pain drowns me

Into insanity.

You know you can kill me still with the pain inside I feel,

Yes the pain inside I feel.

Don’t let it in,

Don’t give hell a second chance;

Don’t fall behind,

They long for your pleading cry.

Don’t give up now,

Your lost blood will surely blind you,

Don’t run and hide,

Never fear; never die.

Inside, I lie, time resting still,

A sleepless mind,

Myself it kills.

Staring at not but air,

I’m left alone,

Can no longer bear.

You know you can kill me still with the pain inside I feel,

With this pain inside I feel.

Don’t let it in,

Don’t give hell another chance.

Don’t fall behind;

They long to hear your screaming cry.

Don’t give up now,

Your lost blood would surely blind you.

Don’t run and hide,

Never fear; Never die.

Remembering myself before you,

God’s telling me you can not win,

The pain I feel inside…

It’s you; I need not hide.

You called me in, I shut you out.

My heart repaired, this dieing doubt.

You pushed me down but I’d not fall and now you’ve lost it all.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

T.V. Meltdown

My thought cords are tangled up

And my heart is rapidly pounding,

My life is like a reality T.V. nightmare,

And my alarm isn’t sounding.

I’ve been wondering through this maze,

Now I’m at its core,

I’ve searched every station

And have yet to find the door.

Each turn is quite the same,

How should I know which one to choose,

When my set-up and my channels

Are all focused upon you?

You see Oprah says he likes me back,

But Dr. Phil says he don’t,

Some say I’ll make it through,

And some say I won’t.

There’s surround sound in my head,

Of the choices I could make,

But they’re all playing at once

And the pause button decided to break.

They’re echoing throughout my body,

Sending shivers down my spine,

I try to decrease their will power

But instead they take control of mine.

They tell me all these different things,

Not in the least bit clear,

So I straighten up the antennas

But still I cannot hear.

I don’t know which ones to listen to,

Well I do, but I don’t,

I want to have him with me,

But I’m too afraid he won’t.

So can I borrow a remote,

To fix up this big mess,

I’ve done all I can,

I’ll leave him to solve the rest.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

[No title I guess...obviously not revised yet.]

I dont even want to think about it, I dont want to know..
I dont want to ever think about having to let you go.
Cuz from the moment i saw you my heart filled with joy,
I was so happy... I couldn't sleep.
But to think that now you are going to leave makes it impossible to breathe.
So I dont want to even think about it, i dont want to know.. i dont ever want to think about having to let you go.
I wish you would say you loved me and tell me that your there,
Just tell me you think of me and really do care.
Pretend to smile as i walk by to make me feel good inside,
Just don't tell me you want to leave and sorry about the lies.
I'm so scared that this may be.. true for once in my life, so when you know could you please.. tell me if i am right.
Cuz i don't even want to think about it, i dont want to know. i dont want to ever think about the heartbreak of letting you go

[No title yet]

When I was younger I felt like no one cared,

That no one really liked me or noticed I was there.

I felt like people were always staring at me,

Making jokes behind my back;

Talking about the social skills that I had seem to lack.

It began to hurt my feelings and even make me cry,

Every night alone in my room made me want to die.

People didn’t realize what they said really mattered,

But to me their words meant everything and made my heart shatter.

I could never just brush something off as if it was never said,

It would haunt me till something else came up, every day in my head.

From that point on I would always be

Made fun of for taking things to seriously.

It was all I could think of, all day long,

I didn’t try at anything for fear of being wrong.

When it finally became too much to handle I tried looking for some help,

A friend or someone I could talk to instead of solving it myself.

I finally found someone who would listen to what I had to say,

He helped me with my problems and changed me in every way.

Whenever I talked to him I felt as happy as could be,

Like none of these things had ever really happened,

The things they did to me.

Then one day he stopped, said he just didn’t like me anymore,

That I didn’t need his help and headed for the door.

My heart was split in two and there was nothing I could do.

I never would have thought the one person I adored

Could hurt me even more than what I felt before. [still needs revision obviously]

[Again...don't even know if I'll keep it, just something I wrote way back when]

She was scared to say it, trembling that she might be right; scared he wouldn't care and not even put up a fight. She finally saw him sign on, and braced herself and said, just breathe it will be ok, this isn't the end. She got up all her courage to tell him what was on her mind, then right when she was to tell him, he signed offline. Her heart stopped and she began to cry, she was so confused about this guy. Then he signed back on but was away, so she told him the words she had been longing to say. And what could have happened but what she had feared, he told her the thing she was scared to hear. He didn't really care, he was thinking the same, she tried to control herself but was about to go insane. She broke down in tears as she headed for the door, ran to her room and collapsed of the floor. She looked up at a box that she hadn't touched for weeks, then she did something you would have expected the least. She opened the box and took out a sharp blade, placed it on her arm and began to play. She played her arm as if playing a violin, hoping that the pain would help her forget what happened. It did for a moment, but she was still hurting inside, she couldn't get rid of this feeling, not with a thousand knives. So she called out for help, she needed a friend, but no one was there to lend her a hand. So she kept on cutting, deep into her arm, it became numb and she saw she had done much harm. She thought it may be too deep but didn't really care, for no one in the world was ever even there. But just for fun she wrote a note, knowing no one would bother reading it she cut her throat. Blood dripped onto the carpet, staining the floor, she was happy for once that she would cry no more. Too many times she had been hurt, now she won't worry about her worth.

“living dead”

The tension rises, the room begins to swirl.

She’s mommy’s perfect angel, and daddy’s

little girl. A locked door, a rusty razor, a

towel stained in red…A folded note, a broken

mirror, their young girl lays there dead.

Mommy faints, brother weeps, daddy sees the

“Read me” “Mom, dad, I couldn’t go on,

please, just bear with me. Crimson tears run

down my arm, all this pain and all that

harm. My only way to let it out, I wish I

could scream, I want to shout. But I don’t

make a sound, I keep it inside, I want to

break out but instead I must hide. So I sit in

my room and hide in my shell, this life that

I’m living, my own private hell. Crimson

tears, down my arm they run, look down at

my life, what have I done? Deep down within

I’m never ok; I cry of emptiness everyday.

Deep down my heart begins to ache, each day

as my body seems to brake. I’ve tried to draw

you a picture of my life, the paper, my arm,

the pen, my knife. But as hard as you try,

you could never see, the scars that burn inside

of me. Some said I should stop, but they don’t

understand, the power I need lies in my

hand. All I’d have to do is slit my wrists once

more, and maybe if it goes deep enough, I’ll

end this on the floor. So if today is the day

that the hurt is just too deep, please remember

that I have welcomed eternal sleep. And if

you’re curious, look down at my wrists; it’s

all of you who have left me like this. But

try not to feel guilty, don’t get ahead. I’m

still living my life; I’m just living it dead."

Written by: Liesl Katherine

Thank you

Through the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad;

You were there for me.

During the long, restless nights, with the screaming and the fights;

You were there for me.

In the beginning of the day to the end of the day,

You were always there to say;

You were there for me.

In the hyper moods, the depressed moods,

In all the rude, mean, PMSy moods;

You were there for me.

Whenever I would give up hope,

When life was a climbing wall and I was out of rope;

You were there for me.

For all the times I didn’t see, that you were there for me,

I thank you endlessly.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

[puppy love]

Alex

I love it when he compliments me and says he’ll always be there, I love it when he smiles with his cute little stare. I love how he catches me every time I fall, I love it when I’m sick and he’s the first one to call. I love it when he holds me, so softly yet so true, I love it when he makes me laugh when there’s nothing around to do. I love it when he gets close to me, so close I can feel his breath, I love how he took care of me before we even met. I love it when he explains things, things I never knew, I love it when he’s happy because then I’m happy too. I love hanging out with him; I hate saying good-bye, I love how he never gets mad even though he is a guy. I love it when I’m with him, it makes me feel so good, I love the way he makes me feel, like every woman should. I love it when we’re together, with the lights down way dim, I guess I was confused; All I really love is him.

I know

I know when I am sad you’ll take away my pain.

I know when I’m without you my heart goes insane.

I know when I hear your voice I get a little crazy.

I know that dating you means no more being lazy.

I know when I think about you I can never even talk.

I know from the first time I saw you my lips have been locked.

I know you belong with me and I belong with you.

I know there are other girls but it will always be us two.

I know we’ll be together, forever just you and me.

I know I’m a young lover and that’s all I want to be.

I know I’m stupid, yes my goodness this is true; But...

I know I can’t mistake this love I have for you.

I know it can’t be just a crush.

I know it's more than your touch.

I know it’s not just some random feeling.

I know it’s not just my way of healing.

I know this isn’t just a gift for giving.

I know.

This is more a way of living.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

I knew

I was doing just swell, having a ball, looked left and right, watched out for us all. Showed all of my happiness, did my very best, continued to love, prolonging life’s quest. I knew everything there was to know, about how to put on that smile, even when some of my thoughts, weren’t quite worth their while. I knew how to make you think that I was just fine, how to make you tell me of your day, and forget about mine. I knew all of the tricks, the moods and the sighs, I knew all of them well, and they had gotten me by. Then you came along, and they all got mixed up, not one of them could trick you, and it wasn’t just luck. You knew what you we’re doing, I couldn’t fool you, I tried blocking my pain, but you saw it right through. No matter how hard, or how many attempts, you knew what was on my mind, what everything meant. You could see that something was bothering me without a single sign, you knew when I was sad, happy or fine. You showed me this kind of care that I had never known before; it touched my soul deeply and made my heart soar. But there was a problem, a very big one at that, my heart had been beaten before, and now you were up to bat. I knew I had to stop talking to you, before I got in way too deep, I knew she liked you, and she’s a friend I wanted to keep. So I tried leaving it simple, no more than friends, I didn’t want to like you because I knew how it would end. But I went against my thoughts and feelings over-came, I showed all the emotions that had been keeping me sane. Then what could have happened but what I had thought, you still liked your ex, and you liked her a lot. I knew right then and there that you and I we’re done, no more talking, to my one true sun. I shut you out, then went on and cried, cried for ever until my heart died. It can never be re-paired, but I knew it would be this way, my heart has been broken, shattered it lay.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

Love

Siniging gives me happiness,

But you give me even more;

Of everything in life,

You are all I want to adore.

Cutting fights against my sadness,

Your single kiss kills all my fears,

No matter where you are,

I will love you through out the years.

Teddy bears have really comfy hugs,

But yours beat them by far,

Their comfyness gives warmth and love,

And for that they deserve a golden star.

God has a plan for each of us,

And if you’re in mine that really great;

But please remember no matter what state,

My love for you is eternal, and will live on without debate.

Written by: Liesl Katherine

Written By: Liesl Katherine

The sky

I feel so sad. What can I do? I’ve tried to fight the pain, but I always lose. I try to show people how I feel, but they don’t know what I need, and the ones I want help from, just won’t pay attention to me. Plus every single day the people around me make me grieve, which makes me feel like I don’t belong here and shouldn’t even breathe. So I honestly have to act fast because I can’t stand it here much longer, I can’t stand being yelled at to make someone else feel stronger. It feels like no one notices my pain, even though I reach out for a hand, no one seems to be there and it’s something I can’t stand. I need someone there for me when I am feeling sad so that I can solve my problems, before I get too mad. Mad at myself, making me want to start a fight, mad at the world, makes me want to end my life. If I can’t have the one person, I long for the best, why not just lie in peace, and take that big rest? I’m going to have to take it, one day or another, why not it be today instead of hurting for even longer? This I ask you from the depths of my heart, give me a reason that won’t keep us apart. Because if you can’t find one, I have to say goodbye, because this life is unbearable, id rather live in the sky.

Written by: Liesl Katherine

Him

There is uncertainty in her face,

Emptiness fills within,

Questions are left unanswered,

There is trouble in the wind.

Complaints left un-dealt with,

Choices left un-made,

Hearts to be broken,

Memories slip away.

Her insecurity roams the surroundings,

Traveling past the boarders,

Privacy has passed the line,

Leaving open doors of horror.

The balance between love and friend,

Has been lost throughout the years,

Shadows haunting fearlessly,

Leaving armies made of tears.

She’s fighting against the disappointment,

Making her vulnerability even greater,

Griping the problems tight in her mind,

Minimizing the solutions to be dealt with later.

She believes it not possible,

To leave him behind her,

Her mind yells she should,

But her heart yells even louder.

She does not know why she acts like this,

She really shouldn’t care,

But to lose something as meaningful as him,

Would bring her pain she couldn’t bear.

Imagine.

The hardest thing in the world for a girl is when she has to be happy when her world begins to swirl. Can you even imagine what it would be like if whenever you’re sad, you have to act like nothing’s wrong, whenever you’re crying inside you have to hold it in and go on? To be funny and perfect, when really you want to scream, to be trusting and understanding, when your own pain goes un-seen? What would it be like if you were just trying to fit in, but no matter how hard you try, you could never win? How many secrets could you keep, before you’re in just way too deep? How many times could you lie so that nobody cries? Can you even imagine being at the top of the world looking down, wanting so badly to jump but still can’t make a sound? Can you even imagine living that life? Can you even imagine? Just,

Imagine.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

[Seuss style]

Written by: ~Liesl Katherine

This feeling

Through all of my life I have never felt this way,

About a thing, about a person, except for today.

This feeling is warm, this feeling is new,

This feeling is one in which would be very sad to lose.

You’re the only one who can do this to me; you’re the only one who can share,

All of your love without making tear.

A tear in my heart that could never be repaired,

Except for by whom, who so carelessly put it there.

And it is that burning reason that I just can’t see,

What feeling is shouting out you wouldn’t do this to me?

What is the reason for the feeling that is letting me know,

That you care for me deeply and won’t let me go?

If I know the reason for the feeling at hand,

I will learn what the feeling itself is and understand.

So after much time spent with you, it’s all clearer than before,

You are the reason for the feeling and the feeling is to adore.

No not just adore, but to love someone off the charts,

This feeling is strong, and I have to let it start.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is I love you with all my heart,

And the feeling I once had confused, will hold us together, not break us apart.

So now you will be here with me, morning and night,

I will hold you gently but love you with all my might.

I will never let you go and you will never put up a fight,

For this feeling I have, will last all my life.

[[First poem I ever wrote]]

Confused no longer

My mind is confused, I feel so alone,

Up here in my room my sadness has grown.

My hopes and my dreams have all turned out cold,

For my wish to be loved can no longer be shown.

Like many other people, my life is incomplete,

As I strive for some answers in this world I have yet to meet.

Though the love of my life is no longer at hand,

I still plea for forgiveness from a far away land.

Many many people have yet to find out,

Life, sometimes, may not quite turn out.

And when that time comes, the world seems to stop,

As the life you once knew is not what you thought.

You know life’s adventures have only yet begun.

But still you wallow in the sadness of one.

Life can be hard in more than one way,

But you have to decide which way to stay.

All of my worries and all or my fears have ended in tears

As the one to whom which I long for seems to disappear.

But my mind is made up, my life can be all better,

As long as I love- forever and ever.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

Written By: Liesl Katherine

A Wish For a Happy Ending
I really want to hear your voice, to be with you would make my day, to be able to love you without any criticism, would surely be the best way. But in this life, that wish will not come true, because that’s the only thing people know how to do. Besides you knowing what you want will never be, people go the extra mile to make sure you’re unhappy. It’s like everyone is against you, your decision will always be wrong, even though you’re working hard to make everyone feel strong. It will always be you who’s the weakest, always be you who messes up, it will never be they’re fault, because they’re the ones who can shut up. You, you just keep on talking, till your point has crossed all minds, but by that time people are bored with you and you have crossed the line. So don’t bother asking for help, because your wish will never come true, it’s not like they say in the fairy tails, a happy ending is not for you.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

Impossible

I hate this feeling, I’ve felt it before, it’s the worst feeling in the world and it’s growing on me more. I want to forget it or solve it somehow but I can’t seem to move on from the place I am now. Will someone please help me, take me away from this place, everyone seems to be against me like I’m a disgrace. But I am trying to figure it out and change things for it seems I must, but there is no one I can turn to, especially no one I can trust. Every one has their different opinions, but none of them spark a light, not one of them sound like the one that’s just right. I want to let it all out, instead of writing it on stupid paper, but no one would understand, it would just make my pain greater. And it’s not as if I could express myself in front of someone like you, I know you too well, you’d just make me more confused. I just wish I could talk to a person who I’ve never met in the past, get an outsider’s view for a solution that would last. For there are many people here, which I know I can talk with, but none that would understand my problem, much less help me solve it. Either that or they would try, but be horribly wrong, or not even let me finish, because they'd think it’s too long. Or they’d have a whole different way of looking at it, and try to explain they’re way to me, but I want to be listened to, not brain washed completely. I want to solve one thing at a time, not add on a few more as I go, because for each one I add, my happiness drops to a meltdown low. Then there’s any one who reads this; all will think I’m insane. And I’ll have to explain all of my troubles,my fears and my pains. But as you all know, there will be complications in that too, and no one likes one problem added to another to make a greater two. So you see I want to make every one happy, but I’m about to give up hope, for it seems impossible, to fix all the problems in which I just wrote.

Written By: Liesl Katherine

A world of Love

Whenever I am with you I never want to leave, you make me feel so damn good, but never unhappy. And even though I know you don’t care, I always want to try, to look and act my very best, so in the end I don’t cry. And yes I hear you saying that you will never leave my side, but you can’t blame a girl for wanting to hear it just one more time. Those words are so wonderful, I can’t hear them too much and hearing them come from the one I love, in my soul is the warmest touch. I could never ask for anything more, than to have you in my heart, to love and cherish you until death do us part. So I would just like to say thank you, for giving me your all in all, because if I was never able to meet you, my world would be so small.

[Second poem ever written I believe]

Written By: Liesl Katherine

A heart so pure

All of my worries and all of my pain,

Drip into darkness as the shadows remain.

My love has gone, there is nothing left to say,

But to cry in that darkness, though it is clearly day.

Life is unfair, I don’t understand,

How could someone so pure be yet so unsure?

Is it truly because he does not have a clue,

Or is it just me that cannot pull through?

I wonder in my heart if there is any of me left in his,

Though I know there is not, surely there is.

Life is unbearable, no one knows what to do,

In situations like these, all are confused.

I know not what I seek in life, I know not who to embrace,

But I do know this, when life comes seeking me,

I will come running, with an open heart

And with loving hands, ready to it’s face.

The Party

"Rise and shine sweetie pie, tonight's the big party!
Throw on some clothes and that perfume you like and meet me at ten-thirty!... ...
You will be there, right?" he said, "don't worry, you'll be safe!"
"Will there be drinking?" you ask,
"of course babe, but I'll be there, you'll be okay."
"Yeah but I don't really drink that much and I know you'll be wasted too..."
"Alright then" he chuckles, "We'll stay sober... both me and you.
You'll have fun, I promise, you'll be smiling all night.
There will be dancing and laughing and I'll never leave your sight."
"Okay, sounds fun, I'll go" you decide,
"Oh thank you! You're the best! See you tonight!"

Gazing into that shot glass, you're sure you see a boat, but then that boat turns upside down and onto the floor you go. You instinctively exaggerate a disappointed grin as you scan for your boyfriend all around, but even with the room spinning nicely for you he's no-where to be found. Quickly your eyes blur beneath the shadows and you feel your arms go weak; your legs, your hands and muscles... you can no longer feel anything. You attempt to pull yourself up but you can't seem to find the strength, fear slowly devours you as, helplessly, you begin to think.
"What all was in that clear piercing ocean of vodka and boats? Where is my jacket? Where are all my clothes?"
"What did I just drink," you think, "why did the bubbly boat sink?"
After pondering for but a moment you find you're suddenly on your feet, with two battered hands around your wrists and more down by your knees.
"No!" you cry out, "help me! please! I'm over here!"
But no one even looks over at you, no one seems to hear.
"Run!" you think, "Run!" but your legs won't listen either,
"Get off me, please! I wanna go home!" but the room begins to disappear.
You frantically search for your boyfriend again before you're hauled off dead asleep,
but your heart drops deep with your last bit of hope, him drunk on the ground is the last thing you see.

Your heavy eyes slowly opening to a blinding ray of light, body aching, freezing cold as you struggle to curl up tight. Your mind, semi-working now, feels the tiles underneath and more, you're now lying alone and naked on the bathroom floor. You sense your head trying to lift itself as water drowns your eyes; it gives up, crashes to the ground and tears race down both sides. Cry...Cry... You just keep crying, aching, freezing, helplessly, solitary. Why you? ... Why you? What, Lord, did you do?

Now you're warm and cozy having just woken up from a dream, RING! RING! your boyfriend is calling you with your phone roaring out a scream.
So relieved it was all just a dream, you reach for your phone in a hurry,
"Rise and shine sweetie pie, tonight's the big party!"

Written By: Liesl Katherine

Liesl Kate

Friday, November 14, 2008

OMGOSH

Into the wild

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Review

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

20 minutes with the president

Sunday, November 2, 2008

old poems from back in the day... funny how we grow. i'll revise them eventually.

Uh....My links people

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